mom of the year

i knew i was going to learn a lot from my itty bitty baby pretty quickly, as babies don't have a ton of patience. and while i think i'm adjusting quite well to diapers, sleep deprivation, and bottles, there are some things that i just didn't see coming when it comes to my attempt at being mom of the year:

• Car seats are heavy. No seriously. HEAVY. they're heavy without the baby in them, which i noticed while carrying it in from the car one day while pregnant. i brushed it off as being pregnant and out of shape when i had to catch my breath. sadly, post baby, it's still heavy. and it's even worse with a baby in it. you better keep the number of your chiropractor on hand because you'll need to visit them frequently when your lower back starts to ache from the constant lifting in and out of the car, stroller, and shopping carts. i've already visited mine 3 times and know i'll be heading back for future adjustments.

• Not all shopping carts are created equal. What, you ask? Different grocery stores have different size carts? YES they do, my friend. Unfortunately, you will not realize it until you've lugged your heavy car seat with your aching back and attempted to deposit your baby in the cart, only to realize it's too narrow to fit. i now know that i can only shop at Stater Brothers because Ralphs and Sprouts have stupid mini-me carts that aren't wide enough. and you have no idea how hard it is to carry a baby car seat in one hand and a 12 pack of Heineken in the other. not to mention it looks unsaintlike. 

• You will be THAT mom who rides in the backseat. Oh yes you will, and it won't just be on the ride home from the hospital. you won't even realize or care that your husband has now become your chauffeur. you'd rather ensure your new child doesn't have a hissy fit and drive everyone crazy than sit in the front seat like a big girl.

• It's very common to get to 12 noon and realize you haven't brushed your teeth. Pre-baby i would have thought that was the most disgusting thing possible. after 8 weeks, i'm just now starting to be consistent at brushing them by 9am. once you are up at 6 or 7, fed the baby, got your coffee, eaten breakfast, fed the baby again, put the baby down, maybe napped yourself or taken a shower, then fed the baby again, you too will realize how you have made it into early afternoon and just now THOUGHT of brushing your teeth. seriously, half the time my toothbrush hasn't even crossed my mind. luckily my husband leaves for work by 7 so he doesn't feel the wrath of my morning/afternoon breath. 

• Co-sleeping doesn't sound so bad. i admit it, i majorly judged my friends who let the baby sleep with them in bed. i didn't understand how someone could be so risky, or even want to share the bed when they were so exhausted. and while i still don't sleep with Olivia amidst my pillows and covers, she has been known to sleep in her co-sleeper between Dave and I. a few times for a nap i also let her sleep next to me without it, but that was because Dave wasn't in the bed and i tore off all the bedding except for the flat sheet. we are both too worried about ever having her sleep without her co-sleeper until she's much older. especially after watching a Southland episode where a woman desperate for sleep, took an Ambien and ended up smothering her baby. awful. 

• You will wear bodily fluids on a daily basis. No, seriously. i'm sure half the time i don't even realize i've got pee or spit up on me.  luckily, baby excrement can be pretty inert smelling (except when it's in the diaper pail- yikes that's ripe), and i know that was God's doing because otherwise mothers would run screaming from their children at the mere thought of a diaper change. God also made it so that you pretty much don't care. i have several pictures already of me wearing poop. but trust me, they don't come out at dinner parties.

of course there are many lovely things that accompany motherhood as well, but you don't need me to tell you those. hopefully you're coming here for a good laugh or trip down memory lane.  i'm sure the next few months will continue to provide me additional fodder for many posts to come.